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Movie Reviews

Post by Fishing4Infinity on 7/5/2010, 4:51 pm

Have you watched a movie recently? Want to write a review about it? Well this is just the place!

Post your movie reviews people!

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Paranoid Park (2007)

Post by Vandal on 7/5/2010, 5:05 pm

Paranoid Park (2007), Directed by Gus Van Sant, must have been 25 minutes before the film makers thought it was too short and needed to add unnecessary clips of skater punk's butt cracks, flipping their boards in slow motion, showing our main character; no I'm sorry I won't even give him the right the called the main character, let's call Alex the character the story circulated around. So Alex walks in slow motion, literally everywhere, where a whole 3 minute song could play while he just walks. I haven't read the book but I'm sure that Blake Nelson, the author of the book thought, "Hey, you know what's a good idea for my book? If I wrote about Alex, the character that the story circulates around, to walk for a really long time. In fact he'll walk and walk and walk and turn his head and walk and walk and turn his head and stay that way for a while, in the meantime crappy music no one can bare for another minute plays in the background." You might have a hard time spotting the walking mop head character in the film seeing how everyone in the film seems to be walking around with mops glued to their craniums.

So in Mophead Park, Alex, the character the story circulates around, accidentally murders a police officer as much as one could accidentally murder anyone. He apparently forgets he murdered anyone because his guilt scene was the only time he ever looked like he felt guilt. He actually had to see a picture of the dead body to jog his memory so he could say "OH RIGHT I KILLED SOMEONE LAST WEEKEND, DIDNT I? OH WELL, OH WELL. BACK TO MY LIFE". But anyway, Alex lives on, the rest of the story basically getting absolutely nothing accomplished. This is supposed to be a modern retelling of "Crime and Punishment", not a retelling of Justin Beiber's love life.

The story's integrity was extremely weak. Entire scenes of the movie were replayed, slow scenes were replayed, and did they make sense after they replayed it? Yes, but was there any reason for the film makers to confuse the viewer in the first place? Absolutely not! Like I said in the beginning of the review the film would have been better off if they got rid of all of the slowmotion, if they got rid of all the filler skater punks with a disgusting gritty filter, if they got rid of every scene that made me want to eat my own face in. At times of the most slowest shots I felt compelled to reach under the couch in hopes to find a gun I can use to paint the ceilings with my brains. In the end of the film (I don't care, I'll end up not recommending you see this movie anyway so I can tell you its damn ending) Alex, the character the story circulates around, burns his notebook. Instead of showing him in front of a fire burning the book, they show him burning every single individual page. You could have gotten the idea across with him standing in front of a fire, there's no need whatsoever for all that time wasted! There were scenes in Slowmotion Park where character actually sat down to talk to each other but they thought it would be "artsy" if they broke the fundamental rules of filmmaking and only focus on one character in a dialog scene. This happened often throughout the movie but there was this one particular scene which was absolutely unbearable in which you only heard Alex's voice but saw Macy's fat pimply disgusting face throughout the entire scene. They could have graced us by cutting over to Alex every now and then but they didn't. That's not good editing! That's not good filmmaking! That's not good story telling! That's not good art! That's not good anything! There was this one scene where Alex, the character the story circulates around, breaks up with his girlfriend. They took out all the dialog and replaced it with terrible music probably because the acting was so terrible the editors couldn't bare listen to it.

That's another thing to rant on! The acting was as stone cold as a politician's heart. The actors delivered their lines with such emotion that rivals a giant pine cone. Every time Alex, the character the story circulates around, opened his mouth I think a part of me died. His VOs were even worse, they sounded like a robot from the 90s and would only get worse as the story progressed... Wait scratch that, the story NEVER progressed, it just got longer. Not only was Alex's (the character the story circulates around) acting was horrendous, but every other actor's acting. The officer's acting was decent... But otherwise it just sucks. Well okay, honestly. How well do you think the acting could get when Gus auditioned them from fucking Myspace?

They storyline was an utter mess. It was as if someone wrote a terrible script, shredded it into a million pieces, stuffed it into a shotgun, and fired it into a sea of shredded terrible scripts. Then in a realization that "holy cow we have a movie to make" hit the filmmakers, they tried to desperately put the script back together. I kid you not. Scenes were out of place, there was a character named Rachel that was introduced, she had a two minute slow motion close up, she said nothing and did nothing, she was just there wasting two minutes of the audience's life. Those two minutes go by as fast as a snail pushing an anvil across China. What does Rachel do? What was so significant? What was her role dammit?! She might as well have been a completely different character from the sea of shredded terrible scripts where the slowmotion closeup could have played a more significant role in a different story! Let me give an example: "Mother died", bam! Slowmotion close up! Not "Walks into restaurant", bam! Slowmotion close up!" While I'm on the subject, What's the point of all the out of focus close ups and slowmotion bad music scenes? Half of the movie is bad dialog, the other half is completely irrelevant! I thought that Alex broke up with his girlfriend a long time ago, then they hold hands and have sex then he breaks up with her again! What the hell?

What I was most surprised about was how well it did in the box office. It grossed over $4,000,000, it took $3,000,000 to make. They say that the cinematography was amazing and that's what made the film, well if I throw together a bunch of pretty slow motion close ups of pimply teenager's faces together and sat you down for three straight hours would you say "Oh yeah the movie was slow but it looked so pretty, I have to give it high ratings!" Reviewers usually score the terrible film rather highly, I don't see why. There's actually nothing to like about it. The only way the story could be seen as "deep" is as in "deep shit".

So if I were to rate Absolutely Irrelevant Park anything I would give it "Shit out of Ten." And I lied earlier. I recommend you see this film if you get entertained by watching paint dry, watching grass grow, watching the ceiling fan spin, watching 12 oz. Mouse, or watching your parents bleed to death.

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Toy Story 3 (2010)

Post by Vandal on 7/17/2010, 12:20 pm

It's Toy Story 3 for crying out loud. Watch it.

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Fishing4Infinity on 7/17/2010, 12:30 pm

Mercy wrote:It's Toy Story 3 for crying out loud. Watch it.

Best review EVER

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Naked Snake on 7/17/2010, 1:21 pm

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas is the biggest turd to ever slither from Disney's rectum in the entirety of the 1990s. It was the death knell of Disney, the film that saw a shift in focus from producing quality animated movies to releasing half-assed sequels to old cartoons that nobody asked for or wanted to see. If you've ever wanted to see Tim Curry as an anthropomorphic organ shooting laser farts at the Beast, or if you're Dakari-King Mykan, then this is the movie for you. If, on the other hand, you're an intelligent well-adjusted human being, you'll stay the f*ck away.

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Vandal on 7/17/2010, 2:44 pm

As a filmmaker I usually want to watch movies that I don't like just to know what I don't like and why I don't like it, so when I make movies I'm sure that there's nothing in it that I don't like; if that makes any sense. I watch good movies as well, usually if I liked it I'll sit through it several more times to see what I like in those films to take those same aspects to apply to my own films.

Yet I doubt after reading about the laser farts do I want to see that movie.

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by archiesangel on 7/17/2010, 8:58 pm

Avatar: The Last Airbender- In one word sucked. When the character's names aren't even pronounced right you know the director was on crack when he produced this movie. The acting was unrealistic and extremely fake. Many crucial parts of the series were left out [EX: Kioshi Warriors] and some scenes were added. Unless you haven't seen the original show or just enjoy good special effects, don't waste your money on a ticket to this piece of crap.
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Inception Review

Post by Rinisa on 7/17/2010, 11:40 pm

Originally, I was going to see the Sorcerer's Apprentice. I saw this instead, and it was a definite better choice. Great acting, effects, plot....

In fact, instead of listing what was good, I'm going to tell you the only thing that was bad: The plot was somewhat confusing. It's the kind of movie where the plot jumps around. It started right in on the action, explaining what went on later.

But once you can understand the plot, I can best describe it as a dramatic thriller telling the story of a dangerous procedure: Putting an idea into a person's mind instead of taking one. As well as unraveling the history of our main character, why he has some troubles during these dream sequences. It will keep you guessing, to the very end.

And, I swear the whole room gasped, the ending will make you wonder what really happened. Did they end in a dream within a dream, reality or death?

Hope I didn't spoil anything, I was careful not to. o_O

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Fishing4Infinity on 7/18/2010, 10:39 pm

I want to see that movie so bad D:!!

It sounds so good @-@!

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Raevien on 7/19/2010, 9:14 am

abreu7 wrote:Originally, I was going to see the Sorcerer's Apprentice. I saw this instead, and it was a definite better choice. Great acting, effects, plot....

In fact, instead of listing what was good, I'm going to tell you the only thing that was bad: The plot was somewhat confusing. It's the kind of movie where the plot jumps around. It started right in on the action, explaining what went on later.

But once you can understand the plot, I can best describe it as a dramatic thriller telling the story of a dangerous procedure: Putting an idea into a person's mind instead of taking one. As well as unraveling the history of our main character, why he has some troubles during these dream sequences. It will keep you guessing, to the very end.

And, I swear the whole room gasped, the ending will make you wonder what really happened. Did they end in a dream within a dream, reality or death?

Hope I didn't spoil anything, I was careful not to. o_O

The fact that it's Hiccup's voice actor from How to Train Your Dragon keeps throwing me off. xD I really want to see this movie, but, I hear the actor's voice and I immediately picture Hiccup in his place. ...because I'm a pathetic HtTYD fan like that.

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Fishing4Infinity on 7/21/2010, 5:48 pm

abreu7 wrote:Originally, I was going to see the Sorcerer's Apprentice. I saw this instead, and it was a definite better choice. Great acting, effects, plot....

In fact, instead of listing what was good, I'm going to tell you the only thing that was bad: The plot was somewhat confusing. It's the kind of movie where the plot jumps around. It started right in on the action, explaining what went on later.

But once you can understand the plot, I can best describe it as a dramatic thriller telling the story of a dangerous procedure: Putting an idea into a person's mind instead of taking one. As well as unraveling the history of our main character, why he has some troubles during these dream sequences. It will keep you guessing, to the very end.

And, I swear the whole room gasped, the ending will make you wonder what really happened. Did they end in a dream within a dream, reality or death?

Hope I didn't spoil anything, I was careful not to. o_O
It won't...
....stop

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Rinisa on 7/22/2010, 12:14 pm

Fishing4Karma wrote:
abreu7 wrote:Originally, I was going to see the Sorcerer's Apprentice. I saw this instead, and it was a definite better choice. Great acting, effects, plot....

In fact, instead of listing what was good, I'm going to tell you the only thing that was bad: The plot was somewhat confusing. It's the kind of movie where the plot jumps around. It started right in on the action, explaining what went on later.

But once you can understand the plot, I can best describe it as a dramatic thriller telling the story of a dangerous procedure: Putting an idea into a person's mind instead of taking one. As well as unraveling the history of our main character, why he has some troubles during these dream sequences. It will keep you guessing, to the very end.

And, I swear the whole room gasped, the ending will make you wonder what really happened. Did they end in a dream within a dream, reality or death?

Hope I didn't spoil anything, I was careful not to. o_O
It won't...
....stop

Just screams sequel, doesn't it?

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Raevien on 7/22/2010, 1:20 pm

Fishing4Karma wrote:
It won't...
....stop

But I do. ..and I'm sorry. It won't stop.


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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by archiesangel on 7/22/2010, 9:11 pm

O.O
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Batman: Under the Red Hood

Post by Raevien on 7/27/2010, 4:38 pm

I just bought/watched Batman: Under the Red Hood today.

.....

And it was beautiful from start to finish. D8 I just...am so happy.
My only complaint is that Dick Grayson would not stop talking. "Being chatty's part of my charm! ;D"
And his hair was basically Roy's hair, but black.
But seriously. He was talking every 3 seconds of his screen time. Even Alfred told him to put a sock in it (in his polite Alfred fashion, of course). And you know that when Alfred tells you to can it...can it.

Oh, and I guess I could complain about Joker's voice not being Mark Hamill's, but, the dude who did voice him actually didn't do too sloppy of a job.

Seriously, though. The opening was intense and heart breaking (as was the ending, actually). The storyline was epic. This chase scene with Batman, Nightwing and Red Hood was -awesome-. Jason flipping took out Lady Shiva (or at least, I'm 90% sure that's who it was). Joker--despite not being Hamill--was just as horrifying as he's ever been. And I love Jason more than I already did. <:l Ffff. *flails around* I'll stop talking now to avoid spoilers.

And for anyone who wants to know which villains were featured?
Joker, Black Mask, Riddler made a brief appearance in a flashback (flashback/memory sequences were awesome, btw), someone who I'm 90% sure was Lady Shiva, aaand Ra's al Ghul. ...and I think Talia was somewhere in the background of one of those shots. And Gordon was there for maybe 5 minutes. ...--well, Gordon's not a villain, but, you get my point.

Aaarghghd.
Batverse. I loves you.

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The Lovely Bones

Post by Vandal on 10/21/2010, 1:07 am

If you want to see this movie don't read my review, I can't help the spoilers.

Has to be the shortest Peter Jackson film I've ever seen. Can you believe it was based on a book? It has really a really complicated concept to it. This girl gets murdered and she often attempts to make contact with her friends and family—mainly her compassionate father—the main character Salmon, first name Susie... last.. Salmon that is seems to be a sympathetic character until she goes around her murderer. She doesn't have a very solid character, she was hard to understand overall. The biggest complaint I have with her is her goddamn voice overs. The wooden lines made me want to rape and kill her. I see the irony in that statement... Also I couldn't help but notice that her name vaguely resembles the name of Sally Solomon from 3rd Rock from the Sun.



There were scenes that were more trippy than an acid trip with Paul McCartney. Ships in bottles, seizure inducing butterflies with an over saturated color scheme, and a tree made up of flying critters. It's what Alice Sebold (author of the novel) thinks what life after death looks like. If that's true then damn, now I really don't want to die.



Throughout the film you realize how twisted Susie's murderer is, you just want to see him caught after all that happens in the movie, but does it ever happen? Well don't want to surprise you but his ending wasn't satisfying enough. He did die, but really, everyone dies eventually. He's gotten away with murder even after the evidence is found. It made no sense and it leaves you with a terrible feeling even after he's dead. The movie Changeling had a better end to the villain. Maybe because it's based off a true story. But it sure does a hell better job at giving you the feeling of Justice well served with an intense hanging scene. Where's Susie Salmon's justice hold? Oh... in an icicle.

Spoiler:

The cinematography was pretty, the acting was good, the voice overs were terrible, keeping up with the story was easy, though understanding what the hell was going on and how Susie replaced a girl for a split second to make out with her childhood lover was just freaking hard to understand... don't ask really. I give the movie a 5/10. Don't watch it unless you're really bored and or forced to.


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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by archiesangel on 10/21/2010, 8:29 pm

I was so mad at the ending I wanted to murder him myself >:\
It really was a waste of two and a half hours
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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Vandal on 11/2/2010, 1:10 am

archiesangel wrote:I was so mad at the ending I wanted to murder him myself >:\
It really was a waste of two and a half hours
Yeah didn't leave a good impression on me.

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Shower (1999)

Post by Vandal on 11/2/2010, 1:42 am

Note: This review has spoilers, if all you want to know is that the movie is good, don't read this. Watch the movie, it's worth your time. It's an excellent film, and I highly recommend it.

If you don't pay attention to the dialog, the film is about a bunch of naked chinese men screaming at each other. Read the subtitles and it becomes a wonderful film. In china they can't afford such luxuries such as a bar, so they all go to the bathhouse. What better way of male bonding than flashing your dong at other men? The bathhouse really does act in many ways as a bar would in any real life situation. A gay bar that is. No ladies allowed.



Anyway, the story begins when the son of the bathhouse owner comes to visit, thinking his father had passed away, no thanks to his blatantly retarded brother. Almost disappointed that his father isn't dead he takes his brother to the airport to book his ticket back home to his job and wife when the brother gets sidetracked and goes missing. This creates a huge conflict between his father, that it opens up his eyes and realizes that he hasn't been the son nor the brother he should have been, and he soon finds himself wrapped up in the bathhouse and the family business. He often finds himself vomiting in his mouth, but who wouldn't if they were around that many naked men?



Though the acting is in a foreign language, you know it's good. From the facial features carved into the actors, to the empathy they have in their voice, it makes you believe that what's happening is actually happening. Its good that when you watch a story it should be believable, jumping into this new culture, it's all the better. And for the record this is the first film I've seen that has legit Chinese people who can act. In the buff. Cinematography wise, it was rather impressive. Each shot conveyed a certain emotion, and the music (or in some cases, lack of music) that coupled with the shot only made it more astounding. Believe me when I say that this comedy can go deep with emotion.

Click if you have a sense of humor. You have been warned.
Spoiler:
Don't they look like pigs?

The bathhouse seemed to not only bring a bunch of men together, but the relationships they were tied into. It would seem as if by the end of the movie it would greatly improve everyone's lives. The Bathhouse gives courage to the shy, it treats a broken marriage, and is the social hub for the entire family to watch. There isn't any trailers I can find on it, but believe me when I say, this movie is a remarkable treat, though on the downside you can never tell when a flashback or a vision occurred. It made it hard to understand and conveys the question: "What does this have to do with the movie?"


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V for Vendetta (2005)

Post by Vandal on 11/5/2010, 10:56 pm



Remember, remember, the 5th of November: The Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason, why The Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot.

The film opens up with a man named Guy Fawkes pushing a cart filled with explosives to the Houses of Parliament, he's caught and hung. Sorry for the spoiler. You should know if you read my reviews how I tend to have a nag to do that. Anyway at first, the movie seems to be a longer more futuristic version of that little clip, but in further inspection... it is. Though everything boils down to that concept, it took more than five times for me to watch the movie to finally understand it. Just because I didn't understand it the first time didn't mean I didn't enjoy myself.
The movie tends to lift my spirits each time I watch it, though there are some political views I tend to disagree with. Oh, and when I say it's confusing... think back to the Matrix. Did you understand it the first time? What about the second time? Or the ninth time?



From the creators of The Matrix, V for Vendetta depicts the distant future, where The United States is no longer The United States, The Government of London is tyrannical and watching your every move, and a strict curfew is enacted along with many "controversial" media such as books and music has been blacklisted. Evey, is a working class woman at the national news broadcasting station that promotes constant propaganda on every television in the country. She is caught after hours in the streets when a masked vigilante comes to her rescue. She is soon found helping the terrorist, "V" and getting herself deeply involved the government. She has no choice but to stay with V for an entire year.


Guy Fawkes

The film is beautifully shot, well edited, the music has made me a fan of Dario Marianelli, and the performances of Hugo Weaving and Natalie Portman are nothing short of amazing. I'm also impressed by Natalie Portman's dedication to her role: she shaved her head bald and it's a damn better reason why Brittany Spears did it. I noticed each movement of the camera had purpose and invoked emotion, paired with the music, made the film intense and downright stunning. The visuals are all appealing, if you pause the movie at any given point it looks like a professional photographer was attempting to create yet another masterpiece. It certainly is well done, but again, which major blockbuster these days aren't well produced? Even the terrible ones look amazing. I'd have to say what really attracted me to the movie was the poster. Just look at it!

As a counterpart to the graphic novel, it tends to stray far away from the actual book. The essential characters are there, but I can see why the changes had to be done for the sake of the film. For one, in the graphic novel, Evey is a teenaged prostitute. How they could depict it would be rather disturbing. Also by the end of the graphic novel, Evey takes up the mantel of "V", something I was looking forward to at the end of the movie. It would have been interesting to see Portman prance around in Weaving's costume, I admit, but the reason they had to omit that was because of their more epic ending, which I favor. It's strange, all the books that Allen Moore has written and had been translated into movies... I tend to like the movies more. Huh, I guess I hate Allen Moore.


And of course our spoiler
Spoiler:

ACTUALLY... BOTH ARE REALLY BAD!

Overall the movie is spectacular, it leaves you with an amazing feeling when the credits start to roll, and by God I recommend this movie. Don't take it too seriously though; I know someone who actually wants to be V. Hey.. Be Ve... coincidence?


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Upcoming Movies

Post by Vandal on 11/6/2010, 7:42 pm

Movies that are Going to Suck

Avatar 2 (2014)
The last one just sucked so hard I think it'll be hard for Cameron to get back up. What makes him think that Dances with Wolves 2: The Sci-fi 3D Outer space adventure will be improve his beloved franchise? http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=62421

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (July 1, 2011)
If the last two Transformers weren't demeaning enough for the name of Michael Bay. Why doesn't he just direct the next Godzilla film? Giant Robots beating the snot out of each other in Japanese. At least then we won't have to listen to the unavailing dialog between characters. http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=59129

Avatar 3 (2015)
The last one just sucked so hard I think it'll be hard for Cameron to get back up. What makes him think that Dances with Wolves 3: The Sci-fi 3D Outer space adventure, Revenge of the Smurfs will be improve his beloved franchise? http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=71201

The Smurfs (August 3, 2011)
The last one just sucked so hard I think it'll be hard for Cameron to get back-... wait, didn't I do this twice already? What the f*ck? Ohhhh, wait. There's an actual movie coming out about the smurfs. No Smurfin' way. And it's starring Neil Patrick Harris? Get the smurf outta here you piece of smurf! You're wasting your smurfin' time! http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=10471

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Febuary 17, 2012)
The film sees Johnny Blaze, aka Ghost Rider, hiding out in remote Eastern Europe and struggling to repress his curse... Yep I'm going to give up my money for that! Hey, I think I'll see it in 3D. http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=59405

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Hanna (2011)

Post by Rinisa on 5/27/2011, 8:58 pm

Graphics: 3.5/5
Acting: 4/5
Plot: 2/5
Overall: 4/10

Looking for intense action?
Crisp acting?
Amazing effects?
Interesting plots?

Well, turn around because you will not find it in Hanna!

Hanna is a story about a girl who was trained from birth in the wilderness of Finland to defend herself. One thing I will give this movie is the excellent line, "Adapt or die." But that's as good as it gets.

There are various plot holes as the movie advances. We learn the story of Hanna's late mother's death, and we find her father isn't quite who she thinks he is. But, at the same time, we are given bits and pieces of Hanna's story we have to glue together ourselves, and most of the pieces don't really fit.

So the government's out to kill Hanna because she's
Spoiler:
The result of a failed experiment to make super soldiers.

Which, based on how she killed-Or her actions resulted in- the death of just about everyone, I'd say she's a success.

Plot hole examples:
Spoiler:

Why the hell is Marissa (The main antagonist out to kill Hanna) always brushing her teeth until they bleed?
What do they mean when they say, "Hanna was never your's, Marissa"? Do they mean her's as in CIA property, or is there a more personal connection?
What was Marissa's time with Isaac like, if they have previously known each other?
Why does the fairytale guy at the rendezvous point live in an abandoned amusement park? Isn't that illegal or something?
What family allows a girl to travel with them around Europe without ever even speaking to her parent's?!
Was the death of Hanna's grandmother really necessary?
Marissa's entire story is basically a mystery. Why is she so obsessed with the failed experiment, Hanna, and Erik?The experiment itself is a mystery, too, and you only get a rough idea after paying close attention?
....
WHY THE HELL DOES MARISSA BRUSH UNTIL HER TEETH BLEED?!

Another thing: Hanna's mother isn't mentioned often, but she is supposedly the reason behind everything everyone's doing, too...

All in all, Hanna is a movie that's more action scenes than plot, in my opinion. The ending was unclear and awkward, with you thinking, "That's the ending?" It's like they stopped the movie without finishing it.

There are a few good moments...
Spoiler:

"Oh, my mother's dead."
"What'd she die of?"
"Three bullets."
"*spit take*"

But it overall really wasn't worth it. =/

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Suckerpunch (2011)

Post by Rinisa on 5/27/2011, 9:11 pm

Graphics: 5/5
Acting: 3/5
Plot: 1/5
Overall: 1/10

Just....

Don't.

I can't even begin with how terrible this movie is. Or at least, the plot is. The graphics are freaking amazing, but I'm pretty sure they spent more money on that than they did with writing the story.

You can't tell what's happening half the time, well, I couldn't.

At the beginning the place is an orphanage for the insane.:
Spoiler:
An orphanage for the insane.
Wherein the evil stepfather is a priest.
The evil mustache guy is an evil doctor.
The lady with an annoyingly thick Russian accent is a therapist.

Then it's a prostitution house:
Spoiler:
Where the evil stepfather is...the abusive stepfather.
The evil mustache guy is a pimp.
The annoying Russian lady is a dance teacher.

And then there's their dream world! You never hear any mention of the first world again, which keeps you wondering if it was the girl's imagination or real or...I don't even know any more.

The graphics are great, the actresses are average, but without a good plot...This film just falls apart. This is the first movie I ever stood up and walked out of.

Don't waste your time!

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Re: Movie Reviews

Post by Vandal on 5/28/2011, 11:59 am

I think Lovely Bones ruined Saoirse Ronan for me. I didn't know her until I saw that film and when I saw her starring in a film called Hanna I knew it would be bad.


Zach Snyder at his best. Suckerpunch is a film he's been working on since he was in college, still you gotta look back at 300 and expect something like Suckerpunch to come out eventually. 300 was mindless and stupid, the acting was terrible, the story was weak, and he basically ripped off the comic panel for panel. Suckerpunch is different in only one way: Frank Miller didn't write it.

So yeah, Abs is right on about how bad that movie is. Suckerpunch is Zach Snyder's proverbial baby to him, in that case I would gladly curbstomp Zach Snyder's baby.

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X-Men: First Class (2011)

Post by Vandal on 6/4/2011, 11:58 pm



I went out of my way to make it to the theaters this afternoon to experience X-Men: First class. When I first saw the trailer I wasn't as psyched as I would have had been several years ago.

If there's something you should know about me and comic books, it's this: it all started with Astonishing X-Men. I knew every single mutant, their powers, their origins, and their personalities. I can't say I still know everything, but a lot has stuck with me, and seeing this movie today was a real nostalgic treat.

If you want to compare this film with the rest of the X-Men films, I have to say that this one takes the cake. Though you might have to really ignore some parts of the earlier films, as there are continuity errors. That didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Keep in mind though, if all you want to know is that the movie is good don't read my review as there might be spoilers. See the movie; it really is worth the $10.


Anyway, here's my review of X-Men First Class.


We never fully understood Charles Xavier as a man prior to this film. Professor X never had spunk, or an attitude in the first three films. Professor X is the one who comes off as the wise old teacher, and that's exactly what he is, but still, it's hard to see that wise old teacher coming off as a player in college. Sometimes it's hard to tell that people had normal lives before they became who everyone looks up to, the fact he has an interest in someone in the film was something new all together. This was a brilliant new way of looking at Professor X in the film universe's world. Seeing Charles in action, in the original X-Men uniform was a completely new experience to the film. On top of that, he retains the mentor state in encouraging his first class to be honorable, proud, and humble mutants. "Be the better man." That was a line he would often use when talking with the future Magneto, when humans failed to be honorable, Charles was always the one to truly father the concept of being a hero. He is by far the best, most interesting, and noble of the characters in the movie.

Erik Lehnsherr's story plays a main role in the plot—as does Charles Xavier—he seems to have an even darker past than the movies had ever put off. The scene where they are putting the young Erik to the test was so shocking, I heard someone in the crowd scream "DAYUMN!" in the suddenness of the moment. If there is one thing about this film that the other films never had was a way to evoke emotions so well, to sympathies with a character so well it actually made me feel like I was living in that moment of the character's darkest or finest hour; whether it be the the music, the actor's facial expressions, or a single tear drop, this film seemed to be make the other X-films look about as well crafted as a life size paper mache representation of Justin Beiber done by the four year old down the block.

Mystique surprised me though. if there's any bad character in the film it had to have been Mystique. She didn't really put up a fight, she was a flat character, she switched sides so suddenly, but despite how much I didn't like her in the film, she worked so well with the movie. She is the super glue to the movie connecting things together and making sense of the film's world, though she is a really smelly glue. Her character was able to explain why Beast has blue fur. Something Marvel authors couldn't figure out other than just saying: "He's a mutant, he has blue fur."

When the First Class appeared I was excited when they started talking about code names. Actually it was really stupid how they started talking about it and instantly came up with code names on the spot like that, but what was exciting was seeing which character was who. Havok, Banshee, and Beast were all too exciting to see. But when some random chick said she wanted to be "Angel" I thought: "What is she doing there?" The butterfly wings sparked in my head but she quickly turned evil within the blink of an eye.

Still if I continued to explain how great the movie was I'd end up spoiling the entire thing. Go. See the movie. You won't be disappointed. I'm actually looking forward to a sequel. (5/5)



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