Snake's MSTs

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Snake's MSTs

Post by Naked Snake on 5/7/2010, 12:10 am

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody, but bad fan fiction makes me laugh my ass off, especially when I sit down, read it, decide that it needs a snarky teenager scrawling comments in the margins and post it afterward for all to see. As an avid member of the MST community, Project AFTER (for those who haven't caught on yet, I'm the guy who Mykan likes to rail against--that he never figured it out is nothing short of boneheaded retardation), I take great pride and pleasure in my ability to turn somebody else's bad writing into something worth looking at.

Given this forum's theme, I think I'll start by posting something that I did some two years ago--a Teen Titans story called "A Sticky Situation." My comments are in bold, while the story itself is in normal font.

I should warn people that the following will contain innuendo and suggestive remarks, if not outright lewd language, on my part, so some discretion is advised. Otherwise, enjoy.

Oh, and I'll link to the chapters of Mykan's story that I've already done; future chapters will just be posted directly on here.

******


A random one shot. Based off of an interaction with my dad.

Considering the title is "A Sticky Situation," I'd say this doesn't bode well for the non-incest-loving crowd...

We had a long 'discussion' about whether ants could actually take seed.

And the evidence just keeps piling on.

It was more of an argument, really. I kept telling him that anything was possible, and he was using logic.
He won.

Well, yeah. I mean, imagine a little kid saying "I believe that everybody sprouts angel wings from their shoulders by the age of 30," and a middle-aged guy saying "Um, kid, I'm 45 and I'm wingless. Explain." Who's going to win?

It all started with me asking what he was doing. It went from there. XD

I was being very confusing when I asked him about it.
I was eating one of those ice-pop things, too.
I'm actually eating one right now, as I write this story. It's mango flavored.

Is there a polite way to say "NOBODY FUCKING CARES?"

Yum.

By the way, what are those even called?
Aren't they just Ice pops?
Help me out here!

Surely, this drama regarding the proper name of POPSICLES will be relevant to the story. Seriously, I believe that this is all foreshadowing for a conflict between father and son, with the POPSICLE being used as a metaphor for something. Iunno, God.

I don’t own TT.

You don't own cryingfaec? Well, it's public domain, so...

Droughts always ruin grass. And Robin was anal when it came to grass.

The mental image of Robin, in Goatse stance, stuffing turf up his rectum will haunt me for life.

It either has to be there, or not. And at the moment, it was halfway.

Whatever that means.

Cyborg had the same fetish.

Cyborg and Robin have hardons for grass. I couldn't make this up if I tried. I don't know if this is intentional or what...

His lawn had to be perfect, or he would go crazy.

So the two boys spent a whole day dumping peat moss and grass seed around the miniature island that Titans Tower occupied. They came inside around 5 o'clock, worn-out and tired. Beast Boy ambled in, holding four large, paper grocery bags.

"Okay guys, I managed to dismember the corpse on my own, but I'll need a hand in dissolving it. Also, for future reference, paper bags leak."

Cyborg and Robin knew better not to ask, but felt it had to be done. Robin looked at Cyborg expectantly, and Cyborg sighed.

"Damn BB," he said. "What's in the bags?"

Beast Boy beamed and dropped the bags on the counter. He reached into one and pulled out a medium sized cardboard box, with pastel colors and tropical scenery all over the wrapper.

Solid Snake will regret asking Beast Boy to refurbish his trusty cardboard box.

"Dudes, check it out!" he said, holding the box as if it were a trophy. (A/N: I just finished my ice pop XD)

I don't care. Nobody cares. It doesn't matter. Shut up.

"These were on sale!"

Robin peered in closer to the box and read the label.

Ice pops.

"My god, Beast Boy," Robin breathed, running his temples with his index fingers.

Won't the grass be upset that Robin is cheating on it with POPSICLES?

Beast Boy's smile grew wider.

"I know, isn't it awesome!?" he asked, obviously missing Robin's disapproval.

Well, to be fair, so did I. I mean, it sounded like Robin was horny.

He began putting the boxes in the large freezer.

"Man, how many boxes did you get, exactly?" Cyborg asked, reading Robin's thoughts.

"Twenty six. The lady at the cash register counted them for me,"

"Yea, 'cause we all know you can't count past ten," Cyborg muttered under his breath. Beast Boy either didn't hear this comment, or chose to ignore it, because he continued storing his purchases. Seeing as the conversation had stopped, He looked up.

Beast Boy is now God, and He must be referred to with capital pronouns.

"So, how was your day?" He asked.

"We planted grass, Beast Boy," Robin droned, extremely beat from him and Cyborg's long day of yard work. "How do you think our day was?"

Considering the earlier remarks about Robin's and Cyborg's "fetish," for grass, I'm going to say...it was a sticky situation? Oh, my...!

Beast boy grabbed one of the un-frozen ice pops, cut open the top, and began drinking it. "DUDE, seriously?! I wanna see!" He cried, zipping past Robin and Cyborg to the front door.

...And Beast Boy too, apparently. Are all the guys in this show gay for grass?

Both boys heaved a sigh of relief. Just talking to Beast Boy was tiring.

They exchanged a glance, and realized that they'd had the same idea. Grinning wickedly, they set about their foul play--Robin chased down the oblivious Beast Boy, while Cyborg dialed the vet--very quickly rehearsing in his mind a story for Starfire about selling him to a farm where he would be happier.

They sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. (A/N I just got another ice pop. XD coconut, I think)

Oh, honestly! I mean, Mykan was inept, but at least he never inserted whatever random sh*t she was doing at the time at random points in the story. Come on, man!

"This massive drought has caught every citizen of Jump city off guard. People are desperately trying to keep their lawns from being destroyed.

"Oh, and I suppose there might be some concerns about lower-income families dying of thirst, but OH MY GOD LAWNS *FAP FAP FAP FAP*"

Everybody in this story has a hardon for grass. No exceptions.


For those of you that planted grass today, there's supposed to be a huge storm tonight, so expect it to be sprouting in the next couple of days.

And we all know what THAT means...*eyebroweyebrow*"

Now, on to our main story..."

"Proper insertion of grass into rectum. First, ensure that your bowels are properly cleansed--this is best accomplished with a simple enema..."

Cyborg clicked a button on the remote and the annoying anchorman's face disappeared from the television screen. Robin exhaled noisily.

"Thank god," he said, putting his feet up on the coffee table and resting his hands behind his head. Cyborg mimicked his actions, and soon the two fell asleep.

In each others' arms. Dreaming of grass. Sweet, sensuous grass...

This caused them not to notice Beast Boy entering the room every two minutes to get another Ice Pop.

Popsicles. POPSICLES. Goddammit, they're called POPSICLES!

He would then travel back outside to examine the land surrounding his home.

0o0o0

The next morning, Robin awoke to find that he was still on the couch. Apparently, Cyborg had eventually gotten up and left to go to his room.

Robin's lip quivered as tears came to his eyes, depressed at the discovery that he was a simple one-night stand. At least his sweet lawn would never leave him...

Robin stretched and stood up. His feet immediately stuck to the ground.

"What the...?" he looked down at his feet to find a purple syrupy substance holding him to the floor. He glanced around him and noticed Beast Boy under the coffee table, grasping some empty Ice Pop wrappers and drooling.

"Holy sh*t, Beast Boy!" Robin cried, startling the young changeling.

"What? What did I do?" He yelled, waking up with a start. He began to sit up and instantaneously hit his head on the table he had been sleeping under.

"Why the hell are you under the coffee table?" Robin asked, utterly suspicious.

Beast Boy's eyes got wide, and he bounded from the room, leaving Robin alone to clean the gunk off his shoes.

0o0o0

A few days later, the Titans had successfully cleaned the living room of Beast Boy's mess.

The less said about this, the better.

Raven was just about to begin reading on the couch when Cyborg stormed in from outside.

"You seen Robin?" he asked, furious.

"No," Raven drawled, settling into the arm of the couch and opening her novel.

"Sod in the Time of Solomon."

Cyborg growled.

"Beast Boy?" he asked.

"Nope," Raven said. Suddenly she was curious. "What did he do this time?" She questioned, putting down her story.

"The grass hasn't grown. He was the last one to be out there alone. He did something," Cyborg said, walking out of the room.

The grass that you planted less than 24 hours ago has not grown at all. Surely, a conspiracy is afoot.

"Well, that's obvious," Raven muttered, turning back to her book.

Starfire and Robin walked in.

"I just don't get it," Robin was saying. "The grass should have grown by now. I wonder what happened to make it-"

What is WITH THIS FIXATION ON GRASS?!

"Beast Boy," Raven interrupted, not moving her gaze from the pages of her manuscript.

"Manuscript?" What, did SHE write the novel?

Robin breathed in and smacked his forehead.

"God dammit," he murmured, exiting through the door that Cyborg had gone into not moments ago.

0o0o0

"Okay, okay!" Beat boy shrieked, covering his face with his hands. "What ever I did, I'm sorry!"

"Beast Boy," Robin whispered through clenched teeth. "Did anything happen while you were looking at the lawn?"

Beast Boy gulped and sheepishly looked away. "Maybe..." he said.

Cyborg picked Beast Boy up by his shirt. "What is that supposed to mean?" he growled.

"Well, you know those totally amazing popsicles I got the other day?" he said.

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

"You mean the frozen, colored, sugar water in tubes?" Robin asked, rolling his eyes under his mask.

I was under the impression that Robin's mask WAS his eyes.

Incidentally, has nobody else heard of popsicles before? Is the concept of frozen, fruity treats THAT foreign to them?


Beast Boy nodded vigorously and began speaking again. "Well, they're really addicting, and I kept eating them,"

"We noticed," Cyborg said, clutching Beast boy tighter. "Continue," he jeered.

"Well, the more I ate, the jitterier I got. I would get one open and then spill it on the carpet. I just decided to take the whole box outside, so that it wouldn't ruin the carpet,"

"Where are you going with this, Beast Boy?" Robin said.

"We have ants, Boy Wonder. And they attacked me, so I hurried inside before they ate me alive," Beast Boy said dramatically.

Beast Boy is stupid to the point where he thinks that garden-variety ants can strip a cow to the bones in five minutes flat.

"And that's how all that juice stuff ended up on the carpet,"

"That wasn't the story you were telling," Robin replied, sensing the changeling's obvious avoidance of the subject at hand.

"Oh... yeah. Well, I'm guessing the ants took the grass seed. Heh heh. It's logical, right?"

Uh, no.

"No, but unfortunately, we have no other account of what happened, so we have to believe you," Robin motioned for Cyborg to put Beast Boy down. The second his feet touched the ground, he turned into a cheetah and raced to his room.

"You think he was lying?" Cyborg asked Robin.

"Yeah, but I really don't feel like thinking about it," Robin replied, retreating to his room as well.

Surely, to begin his anti-lawnmower crusade. Save the precious, sexy grass!

0o0o0

Beast Boy leaned against his door the second it slid shut. He opened his eyes and gazed at the creation that was his room.

Grass was everywhere. In his bed, drawers, by the window, in shoes... everywhere.

Beast Boy smiled dreamily and flopped down on his bed that was now a small field.

"They will never know..." He said, hugging a pillow and falling into a deep sleep.

I--what?

BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I apologize if the ending was a bit... weird.

Or if anyone was OOC.

Or if EVERYONE was OOC?

Review?

Keep in mind that this was my first TT one shot.

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Re: Snake's MSTs

Post by Fishing4Infinity on 5/7/2010, 8:57 am

This made my morning XDD!!!!

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Re: Snake's MSTs

Post by Naked Snake on 5/8/2010, 7:35 pm

This second one, I did about...mm, a year ago? It's an MST of a YuGiOh!/That's So Raven crossover, and if you need a reason why I did this one, I think you should read the last part of this sentence.

The author behind this story is named Abigail Watson, and she is very, very secure in her abilities as a writer. She describes herself as "...a very EXCELLENT writer, and [she knows] how to write about things [she] like[s]." Among the things she likes is the idea of dead celebrities watching people have sex--an idea that she wrote in another story of hers, which I most likely won't be posting on here due to the explicit content. Damn shame, too, because it's one of my better MSTs.

Though I have a soft spot for this one too. :3

As before, my comments are in bold; the story is in regular-formatted font.

*****

Hey, here's a new crossover I've been thinking of for months. It's between That's So Raven and Yu-Gi-Oh. (I hope it's really good.)

Well, if wishes were horses...you'd have a horse, and this story would still suck.

Yami and Joey Wheeler are the two new guys who come to Bayside Junior High School.

Aren't they in high school...?

Disclaimer: The "geniuses"

Quotes added by me.

at Disney Channel own That's So Raven and genius Kazuki Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh. I just own the story.

And here I was expecting her to write "The genius that is Abigail Watson owns this story."

The New Guys

It’s amazing how things can change in just a short span of time.

"Yugi Mutou awoke one morning to find that he had transformed into an enormous vermin overnight."

The middle school term is not yet over, and only a few quarters have gone by, but so many things have altered. The number of students getting higher grades has increased, more and more people are taking part in school activities and after-school programs, and of course, several wonderful relationships have blossomed within the student community.

This paragraph is how you know that Yu-Gi-Oh doesn't take place in America.

But if there are good changes, there are also those…not-so-good ones.

"I'm John McCain, and I approve this message."

One of those changes is the growing problem of ruined friendships. Peer pressure have taken its toll on some of the friendships I thought were gonna last.

Wha--this story's in first person?!

Break-ups of big and small factions,

The short-lived Bolshevism club can attest to that.

misunderstanding between the best of friends…this sort of plague has scourged the student body.

With a mortality rate of 67%.

Of course, some have been able to survive this, like Raven Baxter and her best friends, Eddie and Chelsea. But since every group of friends is different, not all friendships are saved. I bet you’re asking why I’m talking about this.

Actually, I'm wondering why you inserted yourself in the story. But, ah, then I remember that you're a Suethor.

It’s because of the intrigue that hit me, when one of the strongest friendships I know suddenly disappeared into nothing more than a memory for the student body.

Alana, Muffy and Loca. Loca, Alana and Muffy. Muffy, Loca and Alana.

Well, thank you for that rather befuddling interlude.

No matter how you rearrange these three names, they’ll always stick together. They’ll always sound the same.

If you're deaf, I suppose.

For those of you who do not know, this group of friends was the most feared bully party in our school.

What are they, the Uruk-Hai?

Muffy, the Peppy Princess of the group, was the expert in the name-calling and nuisance department. Being a perky prep, she could be somewhat of a bubblehead and could do you in with just a few of her name-calling skills. Loca, on the other hand, went for the “direct approach”. She was the traditional, “give-me-your-lunch money-or-else-you’re-gonna-get-it” bully, always threatening people with her intimidating fists.

Sounds to me like Loca is the only actual intimidating between the two of them.

I once crossed paths with this girl…and she was shocked when I told her,

“Those who cross my path suffer even more pain on my part when they ever did from you, Muffy and Alana.”

Darth Vader in middle school.

And when I say very lucky, I mean it. According to her, I “was too tough for even a bully to pick on”.

"Even Dr. Lecter thought I was rather gamey."

And of course, there was Alana, the leader. She was the Queen of Mean, and anyone stupid enough to provoke her was surely going to suffer in a burning pit of fire for the whole year.

Damn! Alana is hardcore!

And maybe even the next.

They always stuck together, as if conjoined by a super strong glue. There wasn’t a time when I saw even one of them apart from the group. I have known them since my friend Joey Wheeler and I came to this school.

Oh. Yugi's narrating this? Sweet, gentle Yugi told someone that he was going to make her suffer?

But almost everyone else say they got together as a group in the second grade.

Sure knows a lot for a transfer student who just arrived.

The Terrible Trio, as we call them, always off somewhere causing trouble and mischief. But despite the deplorable reputation of theirs, they are still one of the most popular and well-respected parties in the school.

Well, hey, so were the SS in Nazi Germany. There was probably a reason for it though.

I’ve never seen them fight before…and I’ve always doubted that they ever had a misunderstanding. They always seemed so together…as if nothing could ever separate them. I always thought their friendship could surpass anything.

Excellent. I was wondering when we'd get a friendship speech.

But I was wrong.

After enduring countless complaints regarding Alana and her posse, the school had to report Alana to her parents and recommended her to spend some time in a more…”stringent” environment. It was, according to them, “to help shape Alana’s jagged repute”.

They sent her to Guantanamo Bay.

Thus, Alana had to go to military school.

Same diff.

She had to leave her school, her life…and her friends behind. It was hard for Alana, Muffy and Loca. For Alana, it was losing the solace her friends give her, and for Muffy and Loca, it was losing their beloved leader.

Indeed, Muffy and Loca were completely destroyed when Kim Il Sung passed away.

They made a promise to one another that no matter what happens, they will always stick together – through “rain or shine, through sleet and snow, through gross boyfriends and low allowances…” It was a promise of true friendship.

Remember the drinking game in Yu-Gi-Oh: TAS? Let's play that here.

I caught sight of the exact moment when Alana had to leave for military school.

"I often obsessively stalk the members of the bully cliques at school."

Muffy and Loca were outside her house, saying their final farewells to their friend. Alana was crying, holding a suitcase in one hand, and was hugging Muffy with the other. Loca tried hard to not let her tears stream down, but failed to do so. After the heart-breaking scenario, Alana boarded their car and drove off to the sinister military school.

Sinister Military School: Commitment to Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

What’s worse about the situation is that the thing I feared most has come true. The inseparable Terrible Trio has been broken.

...And that's a bad thing, apparently.

Those events soon led Muffy and Loca to become temporary social outcasts, demoralized from the loss of their leader. They felt so alone and naked without Alana…

I'd like to hear more about Muffy and Loca acting on their feelings of metaphorical nudity.

they knew they would be nothing without her. Not just then, but even now.

But soon enough, things started to look up, for along came Bianca.

"And the ratings plummeted."

Now, Bianca, she was different…when I thought Alana’s the absolute worst…this girl came along. She was ten times worse than Muffy and Loca’s former leader. According to Muffy, “Bianca’s so bad, she got kicked out of military school!”

She shot Sgt. Hartman through the chest with a battle rifle.

The rumors instantly started flying around in the school, infecting every conversation like a highly contagious virus.

But then after Alana came back from military school, I threatened Bianca that she had to be nice, or suffer pain at my hands.

So it's okay when Yugi threatens to brutally harm someone--OOC as that is--but someone tries to take your lunch money and HOLY CRAP THEY'RE THE WORST PEOPLE EVER >Sad

Seriously, I think Yugi's the real villain here. Making your opposing clique as sympathetic as possible, then presenting the protagonist as a power-crazed jerk, doesn't really help Abby's case any.


She tried to think of some witty retort, but Loca warned her that I was not to be messed with.

“Why, Loca?”

“Well, look at him.

"He can impale you on his hair.

He’s friends with this other new guy named Joey Wheeler, who’s supposed to be a bully himself, and I thought we girls were supposed to be the bullies – and he’s pretty tough.”

Joey, I noticed, smiled at the mention of his name.

Damn. Joey and Yugi are fuckin' jerks.

She looked at me. “Right, Yami?”

I nodded. “Right, Loca.”

“Well, all right. But I want Joey,” said Muffy.

"I want Joey for the U.S. Army."

“Thanks, Muffy. But I’m an ex-bully,” said Joey. Muffy looked at him. He was wearing a white shirt with blue stripes on the sleeves with a blue coat over it, black jeans and black-and-white striped shoes.

In case you were wondering.

“Like, I don’t know, Joey. You definitely look like the bad boy bully to me,” she replied.



...Yeah. A real badass, that one.

Joey nodded, smiling. “And?”

“And I love it!” she added, smiling also.

Well, I think we can all see where this is headed.

***

I think that next time, I'll post a chapter of Sailor Moon Legend of Zelda--a Mykan fanfic that I've been slogging through for more than two years now.

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Re: Snake's MSTs

Post by redeagle321 on 5/11/2010, 8:13 am

Wahahahahahahhahaha I mean *er-hem* nice.

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Re: Snake's MSTs

Post by Naked Snake on 5/14/2010, 10:14 am

I think something may be wrong here. It won't let me post the new chapter of SMLoZ.

Well, not all is lost. Here, have some links. Feel free to go back and read the entire MST from the beginning.

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Re: Snake's MSTs

Post by archiesangel on 5/15/2010, 5:59 pm

Wow I haven't laughed that hard in forever!!
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Re: Snake's MSTs

Post by Naked Snake on 5/15/2010, 6:45 pm

archiesangel wrote:Wow I haven't laughed that hard in forever!!

Well, as long as you're not being a king, I suppose that's alright...

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Re: Snake's MSTs

Post by Naked Snake on 6/4/2010, 1:23 pm

Cooking is so fun, cooking is so fun, now it's time to take a break and see what we have done!

Yay! It's ready!

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Re: Snake's MSTs

Post by Azrael on 6/4/2010, 10:25 pm

I've always loved that he's never figured out that you're Al-Cone, Snake.

Naked Snake wrote:Cooking is so fun, cooking is so fun, now it's time to take a break and see what we have done!

Yay! It's ready!
I can't wait until I'm in this.

The duncecap thinks that I'm a member of Project AFTER; what a joke.

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